Brooklyn Sleights

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Bear Grylls Traps, Devours Survivorman’s Les Stroud

with 2 comments

(Van Vieng, Laos) Bear Grylls, chiseled host of The Discovery Channel’s hit survival show Man vs. Wild, trapped and subsequently devoured Les Stroud, the whiny host of the Discovery Channel’s lower-rated, slower-paced survival show Survivorman.  While in Laos filming an episode for Season 3 of Man vs. Wild, Grylls was alerted by indigenous hunters that Stroud was filming in the same area.

A stoic, determined Grylls- minutes before bagging the whiny, insufferable Stroud in a deadly punji pit

A stoic, determined Grylls, minutes before bagging the whiny, insufferable Stroud in a deadly punji pit

 Wasting no time, Grylls soon fashioned a Viet Cong-inspired punji pit out of sharpened bamboo shoots, which he then smeared with his own feces.  In a perfectly executed example of what Grylls dubs “opportunistic hunting,” Grylls found Stroud the next morning at the bottom of the punji pit, impaled through the chest and thigh, desperately clinging to life.  Turning to face the camera, Grylls explained to viewers it was verrrrry important to keep Stroud alive just long enough to build a fire, so as to keep Stroud’s flesh fresh- thus preventing the growth of harmful bacteria and discouraging the attraction of flies.  

The last known photo of Stroud- looking whiny, annoying, and boring.

The last known photo of Stroud- looking whiny, annoying, and boring.

Grylls then proceed to roast Stroud’s eviscerated body over a fire started from mere tinder and a piece of flint, and exclaimed: “[B]oy, this is going to taste just awwwful, but I haven’t eaten in days and I really need the crucial vit-a-mins and nourishment to keep going; here we go, woooooo!” before biting into a crispy piece of Stroud’s hindquarters.  Whilst picking his teeth with Stroud’s sternum, Grylls then thoughtfully addressed his detractors, asking “[H]ow ‘fake’ is this, mother[expletive]s?”

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Written by Matt

March 23, 2009 at 12:49 am

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. Bear, you are the best. I have watched both of you and quite frankly he bores me. You on the other hand keep me on the edge of my sit. I never know what you will do. You will do whatever is necessary to survive. You are always on the move trying to get out, and you normally with find your way. Les he just talks alot and with all that camera gear he is weighed down too much. If someone would ever get lost, they would not have all the equipment that he has. Keep up the great work and now that YOU ARE THE BEST suvivor.

    Deltricia

    August 21, 2009 at 9:41 pm

  2. Bear is the man. My inspiration and motivation for nearly all of my outdoor adventures. Thanks Bear.

    PJ Rettig

    August 26, 2009 at 10:04 pm


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