Archive for January 2009
(Brooklyn, NY) Local New York Sports Club member and alpha male Evan Brown gave fellow NYSC member Ray Lyman’s ass a prolonged, furtive ogling Tuesday evening, under the mistaken belief that the effeminate derriere he was admiring actually belonged to a member of the opposite sex. “Sh-I mean he was really fair-skinned and was leaning over in a pair of tiny shorts over by the elliptical machines, so I thought it was some cutie,” claimed Brown, “[I] didn’t know it was a guy! Ugh! Gross, dude.” Upon realizing his mistake, Brown reportedly experienced an intense wave of self-disgust coupled with embarrassment, followed shortly thereafter by unsettling, introspective suspicions regarding the nature of his own sexuality. Brown, seeking reassurance, then made the mistake of confiding his harrowing experience to his friend and fellow gym-goer, Dan Francis. Francis, however, offered only mocking laughter, asking if Brown was searching for a new “[l]ife- errrr, lifting partner.” Crestfallen and insecure, Brown proceeded to “make up” for his mistake by “[o]gling the shit out of some real hotties” for the remainder of his workout, reported Brown. Corroborating Brown’s account was NYSC branch manager Steve Fellows, who conceded that that Fellows in fact received three formal sexual harassment complaints later on that evening in question, all filed against Brown on behalf of NYSC female members.