Brooklyn Sleights

Eat, drink, and be libelous.

Jesus Christ Expected to Opt Out of Contract With Mankind After 2008

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(Right hand of the Father, Heaven)  Jesus Christ, the “only Son of God,” is expected to opt out of his infinite-year multi-gazillion-dollar contract with mankind after this year, sources close to Christ reported Monday. Super Agent Scott Boras, who boasts Christ as his client as well as millionaire professional baseball superstars Alex Rodriguez and Carlos Beltran, claims that Christ, as a result of dwindling church attendance numbers, “just doesn’t feel appreciated anymore here on Earth.” If Christ does indeed exercise the opt-out clause included in the infinite-year contract that he signed after his resurrection in 29 AD, he would be considered an unrestricted free agent. Interested suitors include the speculative Extremophiles of Mars, and the theoretical fauna of extrasolar planet Gliese 581 c.


Christ [with lamb] and agent Boras

Christ, lamb, and agent Boras


Written by Matt

November 23, 2008 at 4:32 pm

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